I know you’ve felt it, the desire to rip the world apart for no apparent reason. You just wake up one morning and boom it hits you right in the face, the emotions and feelings, annoyance at what has become of your life, yeah it’s crazy and trust me I know.
I remember waking up on a Sunday morning sometime last year, I was feeling all tired and angry at the world as we know it. I really didn’t know where all the negative energy was coming from, at a point I thought it was the unending assignments that were due for submission the very next day, at some other point, I assumed it was as a result of all the test I had to continually study for. Truth was, I couldn’t pinpoint what it was but what I knew for sure was that I was angry at everything and everyone. Most people knew to stay away from me and the ones who didn’t, got severely yelled at. It was a really terrible day.
I had to take a break at a point when I started snapping at people who were only trying to help. I remember someone walking up to me and asking,”Excuse me, what’s wrong?” I snapped at the person so bad that I couldn’t look the person in the eye after the words came out. I had to continually remind myself to calm down and when that didn’t work, my other option was to lock myself in a room and meditate which was a terrible idea.
PS: When frustrated, do not lock yourself in a room. I REPEAT, DO NOT!!!
While I was in the room all alone, thinking about all the things that had happened and all the challenges that were still to come, I suddenly got tired and started having this strange thought, “why don’t you just give up”, It was insane. I didn’t know what to do at that point so I picked up a pen and a jotter and I started writing my heart out, I remember posting a part of it and a friend who saw it called and asked if I was good and I just sort of broke down and went ahead to tell that friend that I wasn’t even sure. We spoke for a good number of minutes and I was finally able to get my thoughts together.
I didn’t realise how lucky I was back then until I started writing this blog post. What I got to realise was that at that point when I was alone and highly frustrated it would have been quite easy for me to give in to the voice that was encouraging me to give up.
What I got to figure out was that, when you are in that state of frustration, the emotions just overwhelms your being and truth is you don’t know what to do because you can’t even seem to figure out the cause of it, so most times, getting away from everyone and everything might seem like the best course of action but it is a grave mistake and here is why:
- You will be all alone: Now, this might sound like a good thing to some because they feel that being alone would give them the peace and quiet that they would need to figure out exactly what was wrong but it doesn’t always work out like that. Best case scenario, in the course of you, thinking and worrying, you somehow get distracted and you forget about the whole episode. This is exactly how most of us survive the lock-yourself-in-the-room-strategy. So, what happens when there’s nothing to distract you from the emotions, you become overwhelmed by them and you just might sink into depression or worse.
- Your thought becomes extremely loud: If you don’t understand what this means, it’s fine, I will explain. When I locked myself in the room on that fateful Sunday, I experienced something and it was a game changer. I heard my own thoughts as clear as day. “Just give up” and the words were made much louder by the sound of my heartbeat, da…da…da… If I had not distracted myself by writing how I felt on a piece of paper, I probably would have lost myself. Your mind is powerful and it has a vast hold over you. If you can, whenever you are frustrated, try not to give your mind the upper hand
- There is absolutely no one to rescue you from yourself: when frustration sets in and you are all alone, you can never predict how you would react. A lot of us like to believe that we are strong and nothing can ever get us down and most times it really isn’t our fault as individuals, it is simply how we were brought up. Most Africans and blacks were brought up this way and it is totally disastrous. No one is immune to the overwhelming feeling of frustration and its effects. Don’t take the risk and assume that you can do it all on your own, we all need someone to confide in at some points in our lives.
You have to realise that, even though locking yourself in your room when you’re frustrated might work at certain times, it’s a lot better to confide in people.